I have a hive on my stomach and does it ever hurt. I'm calling it a hive because a pimple on the stomach just doesn't sound good. Who gets pimples on their stomach? I have no pimples anywhere else but my STOMACH? Too weird.

I remember in grade school I was told by an older kid that a "dude" is a pimple on a donkey's ass.

And I actually believed it. For half a year, I went around calling people dudes and snickering, thinking I was being so clever.